Dinnertime jokes

I dread dinnertime lately.  Five o'clock rolls around before I know it, and by that time there IS no time to plan and cook a decent meal.  I end up throwing something quick in the oven or whipping something together when the kids tummies start growling at me from across the room.  Not exactly Mother of the Year material.

Tonight over our green beans, Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets and meatless corn dogs (not a punishment, they're actually good) the kids and I started talking about abbreviations and weird spellings of words when Toby said AKA while telling a story.

Logan:  "What does AKA mean?"

Mom:  "It's the first letters of each word in also known as.  Known is spelled funny, with a silent K."

Jessie:  "I hear a lot of abbreviations like that at school; ASAP is as soon as possible, G2G is got to go,  TTYL is talk to you later, and LOL is laugh out loud."

*long pause*

Sydney: "Mom, there's crap on my chicken nugget."

Mom:  "You mean crumbs."

Toby:  *giggle* "Syd said C-R-A-P, AKA P-O-O-P!"

Logan, our cute Kindergartner,  for sure knows how to spell poop, so he totally got Toby's joke.  He started in with his wicked little giggle and before long the whole table was in a fit of giggles.

Syd didn't get the joke, but she really wanted to get in on the fun.  All the sudden she looked at me with a grin and said, "K-O-I-T, less rock, less talk!"

Totally unexpected and hilarious!  By then I was laughing out loud.  I couldn't believe she remembered the call sign and slogan of KOIT 96.5, the radio station we listen to in the car.  Well, she almost had it right.  It's ♫"light rock, less talk. 96.5 KOIT."♫  They play 24 hour Christmas music starting around Thanksgiving and we've spent a considerable amount of time in the car lately.  Kids really do say the darndest things. 

Tooth Fairy under fire!

I'm just gonna get this one off my chest right now.  I now hate it when the Tooth Fairy is due to visit one of my offspring.  I have retired from stealthy tooth-snatching duties as of this minute.  The tooth fairy is now definitely male in our house.  You've probably seen him in that Santa Claus movie with Tim "the Tool Man" Allen, right?  You know, the tooth-collector with notably broad shoulders, a deep voice and tiny little wings?  Well, in our house he has speckled gray hair, a killer smile and a huge crush on little ol' me.

The older the kids get, the more it freaks me out to trade their newest pulled molar with a handful of coins.  I try to sneak under their pillows to retrieve the family tooth box, but lately I either get caught or have to blurt out a good excuse to be fumbling around on the top bunk at midnight.  Even if I get the box out without a child stirring, it is a miracle if I can quietly shove it back just far enough under the pillow so it won't fall off the top bunk.  All this only happens if I actually remember that it's a night that the tooth box is full and waiting under a pillow.  My poor kids are now used to the Tooth Fairy being "really busy" because it takes her a couple (the record is seven) nights to remember there's a tooth waiting to be cashed in.

I really was caught red-handed while trying to trade a tooth several months ago.  Toby lost his 6th tooth and I was so impressed that I remembered on night one!  Hold on, let me preface this with the fact that Toby is a DEEP sleeper.  We can get him up at night to pee and he won't even remember walking to the bathroom, washing his hands or climbing back up into bed the next morning.  The kid talks in his sleep sometimes, and I can't wake him up to get out of his dream without pulling him out of bed.  So, on this fateful night of tooth-nabbing I felt confident I could whip in, switch his tooth, quickly be in bed, and wake to shouts and cheers that the Tooth Fairy came the first night!!!  I slipped my hand under Toby's pillow to find the box when he scared me by bolting upright in bed and staring over the top bunk right at me!  I should have stood there and made up some white lie, but I was so scared that he woke up so fast I just ducked and ran in hopes he wouldn't see me.  LOL!  So lame.  He said, "I caught you, MOM.  You're the Tooth Fairy!"  I came back in and fed him something lame like I was just checking that he was okay and that he had remembered to put his tooth under his pillow.  He still ribs me that I'm the Tooth Fairy while I continue to assure him that I am not for the Little's sake. 

Poor Jessie has got to know by now that Mom and Dad carry on Tooth Fairy duties in our house.  She lost a molar at a friends house last Tuesday which she brought home in a plastic bag.  I forgot to get it that night and then we were out of town from Wednesday to Sunday.  By then it was like the tooth had never come out until Jessie complained yesterday that the Tooth Fairy still hadn't come.  *Sigh*  I should just break down and tell her point blank that her lame Mom can't remember to switch her tooth.  Even if she suspects there isn't a Tooth Fairy, I can't do that to her.  Here it is a week later, and I still haven't switched that darn molar.  I went to do so just now when two things foiled my plan; 1) I couldn't find the silly tooth box.  Heck, I'm not even sure she put it in the tooth box! and 2) she totally woke up while I was trying to gently swipe under her pillow for the dang thing.  It was easy to tell her I was looking for a rice bag to heat up because she currently has a bunch of stuff cluttering her bed.  All that clutter means there is no flippin' way I'm going to locate a small tooth box in the dark while J is still semi-awake.  I gave up until she's gone to school tomorrow to find the dumb tooth for tomorrow night.  Heck, I almost left the quarters I had set aside with a note under her pillow that said, "Please give your tooth to your Mom because your bed was too messy for me to find it.  Your Mom will turn it in to me tomorrow night." 

Ugh.  I'm such a bad Mom when it comes to the Tooth Fairy.  That's why I've decided to put this one off on Dad.  He can get caught with his hand in the fire once or twice for a change.  We'll see how well he dances then.  ;)

Did I mention that Logan has his first loose tooth as of last week...........