To keep this busy time in perspective......

Those of you who know me know that I dislike Martha Stewart, a lot. Sure, I've been known to browse through one of her magazines but I can't stand her television show or watching her in person. These letters to Martha from Erma Bombeck and vice versa are hilarious. Great example of the sickeningly sweet, too-perfect Miss Martha.

Erma Bombeck's Christmas letter to Martha Stewart:
Dear Martha,

I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains.

I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out, again.

Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries, how DO they do that?

Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable razor ... trashed the tablecloth. Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.

Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that resembles puke!

The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.

Love, Erma


Martha Stewart's Christmas letter to Erma Bombeck:
Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to.

Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve- course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It's a good thing.

Love, Martha Stewart

P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries, which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.




Yeah Erma. I know that life well. If Miss Martha had more than one kid I gaurantee her "good things" would be more like getting everyone in the house dressed with socks AND shoes on before 8 AM- or making it through one day without pee, puke or poop ending up on bedding and/or clothing. That's my idea of a good day. :)

Christmas family night

We went to Dan and Lauren's house in San Jose for family night dinner on Monday so they could take the fam to Christmas in the Park in downtown SJ. We enjoyed the lights, rides and smells of fabulous food- kettle corn, gyros, churros and hot chocolate to name a few.The chillies and Dad ate churros, I sipped on hot chocolate like the rest of the fam and we walked around to see the trees and decorations. J's highlights were riding the swing ride and dancing under the "snow" machines that spit out bubbles. That's my kind of snow- melts instantly on the pavement and isn't cold whatsoever. nice. TJ's highlights were riding the dragon on the merry-go-round, sitting on Santa's lap, and watching the chipmunks sing. Coops favorite thing was getting out of his stroller and driving around like a blind person hitting everyone on the way. He loved the lights and was content to watch his brother and sister go on the rides. He would have screamed like a banshee if we took him on any of them. Oh, and all the kids couldn't get enough of Simon, Dan and Lauren's chocolate lab. They would pet him and feed him treats all night long if possible. We almost didn't make it home with J and TJ because they were ready and willing to sleep the night ON Simon's bed with him.

It was an action-packed AND enjoyable night (those things don't always go together with 3 small chillies).

Definately a highlight this season.