Tender Mercies

In the spirit of Valentine's Day yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about all the amazing people in my life that I love and am so thankful for.  I am especially grateful for both sides of my family who have pulled together to support Mom and Dad as they recover from Dad's stroke Saturday night.

It's been really hard for me seeing Dad laid up in the hospital.  Each time I talk to one of my brothers I realize that, a). we can't change what happened so there is no use pining over how Dad was before the stroke and b). things could have been much worse and we still have him here with us.  My husband has the same realist, no-nonsense personality which balances out my tendency to worry and let negative thoughts fester.  I'm thankful for all their voices of reason to help me suck it up and get to work on improving the situation instead of worrying about how bad it could be. 

I had a wonderful talk with Mom last night about the numerous small miracles that have surrounded this entire situation with Dad's stroke.  I am so thankful for many tender mercies that the Lord has seen fit to grant our family at this time.       

These pictures are from yesterday when Dad started to fall asleep.  He was transported across the street for an MRI and worked with the speech therapist that morning, so he was ready for a snooze.  Even so, I didn't see much of his eyes as he kept them shut most of the time.  

I am thankful for the great care Dad is getting at our local hospital.  When Mom, who works at one of the best hospitals around, is impressed with the staff and care Dad is getting, I know he is in good hands.

I am thankful Dad wasn't driving or home alone for the day when he had his stroke.

I am thankful for the power of prayer.  We have already seen the benefit of faithful family and friends prayers for Dad's health and recovery.

I am thankful that Tom and Mom were able to get him to the hospital as fast as they did.

I am thankful for such loving and selfless family.  Thank you Ben and Heather for making the long drive down here to support and comfort my Mom and Dad.  It has meant so much to us all.

I am thankful that Mom is also in good spirits.  I worry about her just as much as Dad.  I know that she is being comforted and strengthened by her faith in Heavenly Father's love for her and Dad.

I am thankful Dad still has his sense of humor.  The part of his brain that was effected by the stroke effects personality which means it could have turned him into a cantankerous, belligerent, old grump.  We are so grateful he is still Dad, if not a little more child-like version.  He is willing to do what the nurses and Docs ask him to, and wants to work hard to get out of that bed for good.  He keeps the staff entertained with his humor, sometimes proving that he doesn't have much inhibition by saying inappropriate things.  ;)

I am thankful for the fast progress Dad is making in his recovery.  He looks so much better than 24 hours after the stroke.  My Man and I went to see him Sunday night, exactly 24 hours after, and it was all I could do to hold back tears.  I wasn't even very good at that.  He could barely open his right eye, he could talk but not very well, he couldn't swallow, and his entire left side was weak and droopy.  It's hard to see a parent slow down, but when it happened so suddenly it really knocked the wind out of me.

I just got back from a quick visit to the hospital on Dad's 3rd day after the stroke and he looks so good.  I walked in to find Dad sitting up and eating!  His meals are blended up hospital food and thickened liquid, but he can swallow better and started his first day back on food.  The best part about seeing Dad today was that he had both eyes wide open and was watching Fox News, his favorite.  Mom said he walked down the hall with the help of a walker, and has been working hard on exercises to strengthen his facial muscles.  He wants to get out of that hospital room SO badly.  Every time I go see him he talks about how he needs to get back to work because they need him.  His attitude is positive and the progress he is making is so encouraging.  We are praying that he can make a quick recovery and keep the motivation to improve his health.

My chillies made Grandpa cute cards on Sunday that we took over that night.  He could barely hold them and didn't open his eyes at all to look at them.  Today we took another picture on Mom's camera where Dad is holding the pictures and trying his best to smile, eyes wide open.  Thank heaven for small miracles.  I know that our Heavenly Father is watching over Dad and our family.  I have realized in these short 3 days that this is a learning and growing experience for all of us, not just Dad.

When we visited on Sunday, Dad said the Doc asked him if he got his wife anything for Valentine's Day.  Dad said he planned on picking up a box of See's chocolates and maybe flowers on his way home from work on Monday.  In his mind he was going to work the next day.  Monday morning we went to my Man's office to put things back together after painting all Saturday.  I had to stop at the See's right by his office to get Dad that box of soft centers he was going to buy Mom.  When I took Mom lunch at the hospital that afternoon, I gave Dad the box of chocolates to give to Mom.  He said, "that's okay, I'm going to get some tomorrow after work."  I said, "Dad, it is tomorrow and I picked them up for you to save you a trip."  The rest of my stay he kept asking to have a chocolate even though we told him over and over that he couldn't eat until he passed his swallow test.  "Yeah, I will," he replied.  Before I left I leaned over his bed to say goodbye when he asked, "you have that candy?"  "You mean the chocolates, Dad?"  "Yeah, crack open that box.  Let's have some chocolate."  As you can see, his brain is still recovering.  ;)

Nightmare

I have two reoccurring nightmares since being married twelve years ago.  Actually, more like eleven years ago, right before our first born came to live with us.  The first nightmare that I can't seem to escape is some sort of home invasion.  A burly man attacks me while I'm alone at home and I can't get help, or someone barges in the house while I'm alone with the kids.  It creeps me out just thinking about it mostly awake.  My second nightmare, to which I have woken up crying a couple times, is being jolted with the news that my Dad has suffered a catastrophic health crisis like a heart attack and died.  I dreamt these vivid, horrible dreams mostly when I was pregnant, but tonight one of them almost came true.

My Man called me as I was taking a breather at Walmart.  My shopping cart held heart chocolates for the kids to attach to their Valentine's, and I was lazily browsing my way up to the cash register.  He hastily asked if I'd talked to my brother, and that my Dad was at the hospital being checked over because he collapsed at home.  I have believed my dearest Dad's health to be fragile for years, and we all beg him to take better care of himself.  It looks as though he has suffered a stroke, but we don't know the extent yet.  I hope and pray that all is as well as it can possibly be after such an occurrence.

I'm trying to direct all my positive thoughts and prayers to Dad's recovery, but there is part of my personality that won't shut off the negative thoughts.  I've got 31 flavors of what happens next churning around in my head and not many of them are good.  I just saw both my parents today, and mentioned to Mom that the new diet change my Man and I have done feels great and could really help Dad.  I'm not ready to lose a parent.  I'm sure no one really is, so I am praying with all my heart and mind (conscious and subconscious) that Dad recovers and finds the motivation to work his way back to health.  I'm here to help with salad in hand!

Held accountable

My Man is on the fast track to losing weight.  He looks amazing.  He's also got great willpower.  I want to be thinner, but I am having a problem committing.  Not sure why. 

SO, I hereby promise to eat sugar only one day a week. 

Baby steps.

Down with the Mouse King

 When Toby grows up he has one more of those interesting tid-bits of information to share during a get-to-know you game or during small talk with a pretty girl.  ;)  Hopefully, it won't embarrass him to say that he participated in a production of the Nutcracker when he was seven.  We saw his performance as a family last night and Toby did such a great job.

The entire cast and crew of Rachel's Ballet has been up at Oakland late every night from Wednesday to Saturday (and many other nights) to rehearse and perform the Nutcracker on Temple Hill.  Rachel is a friend from our ward at church and asked Toby back in January if he would be willing to participate because they were short on boys.  He is a brave boy, a good sport, and loves to dance, so he said of course he would.  My parents got roped into it too, because Rachel was desperate for couples to dance in the opening party scene.  At least that's what my Dad says, because there is no other way he would be caught dancing on stage.  That and my Mom committed them before telling Dad what exactly it entailed.  He's never going to live down the fancy green handkerchief he waved around the stage during the dance.  ;)

The parentals with dear Marilyn.  She worked magic with the costumes and we had fun during rehearsals.

Even though he complained all the way, I think Dad really did have fun.

This production of the Nutcracker was a free two-night engagement that Rachel wanted to provide to the community so they could bring families to see one of her childhood loves.  I also have a fond memory of seeing the Nutcracker when I was young and wanted to share that with my chillies.  The problem was always that they wouldn't enjoy it at their current young ages for the $50+ a ticket we would have to pay at the San Francisco or San Jose ballet.  I was so glad Rachel asked Toby to be in it and I was happy to help so that we could be a part of this production.  What a wonderful Christmas present right?

Toby's performance this weekend was even more commendable because he has been so sick all week.   As a parent, they asked us to volunteer backstage for one rehearsal and one performance night, so I was also up late with Toby at rehearsal making sure he didn't hack up a lung.  Poor guy.  We got into a routine of taking it easy during rehearsal, going straight to bed by 11:30 or so, sleeping in (him, not me), drinking tons of water, vitamins, eating right, afternoon nap, a dose of Tylenol to keep his lingering fever in check, then back up to Oakland to do it all over again.  He tried hard not to cough onstage, and thankfully, didn't need to worry about any sort of speaking part.  "The show must go on" was uttered a couple times when he just didn't want to do anything.  Despite feeling all-around crappy on Thursday and Friday, he soldiered on and still had a fun weekend.  Rachel told me numerous times how much her and the teachers enjoyed working with Toby because he just has a natural ability to act and good stage presence.  He was a natural leader for the other little soldiers that participated with him.  The battle scene was the cutest part More importantly, he had fun!

Toby's favorites:

Using the popguns during the party scene (to bug the girls).

Being a soldier and shooting the big canon at the naughty mice during the battle scene.

Watching the big girls dance.

A sweet lady from church asking for his autograph after the performance Saturday night (isn't that adorable?!).

Dislikes:
Having Mom put make-up on him.  He could barely stand still long enough for some dark eye shadow and liner.
Being sick and not able to run around with the other boys.

So how did the ballet fair with the rest of the family?  The Littles barely made it through the second act, but loved the first act with the party scene and the big battle between the soldiers and the Mouse King.  Sydney's favorite part was the adorable little sheep and their costumes.  After the performance she kept asking to go see our friend Maya as the sheep.  She would have taken that costume home in a heart beat.  When the gingerbread house and dancers came out I whispered to Sydney, "Look at that pretty gingerbread house!"  She quickly replied, "I want to eat it!"  Logan was a typical uninterested little boy who barely made it through with the help of a couple iTouch games.

We sat in front of friends from our ward, and we Moms joked about how we were going to expose our kids to cultured events even if it kills them.  It almost killed off Logan tonight.  He was shaking with frustration a couple times towards the end. At one point Daddy told Logan to watch the show.  Logan replied back with genuine frustration, "What am I supposed to watch?!"  Jessie liked it, but got a little frumpy because she couldn't see very well.  I'm not sure if my Man enjoyed the night or tolerated it for Toby's sake, but he did like making fun of the prince's costume.  At least he sat through the whole thing and didn't leave after the first act like some friends we know.  Yeah, you know who you are, wimp!

Toby made fast friends with all the girls, as is his way, ;) Here he is with the beautiful Snow Queen.

I was excited to finally see the whole show from the audience instead of snippets from backstage.  It didn't disappoint.  Watching the big girls stuff lambs wool between their sore toes before lacing up those tortuous toe shoes, then move so gracefully onstage was amazing.  The costumes, scenery, and Rachel's ballet students were all so impressive.  A couple times during the performance I reminded myself that this really was a free event.  All around I think it was an awesome experience for our whole family.

Toby met up with his best bud Milo after the first performance.  He was sawing logs about 15 minutes after this picture was taken.  The poor kid was so tired.  Funny story.  When Milo's big sisters found out Toby was in the Nutcracker they were both shocked that Toby's Dad let him participate in a ballet.  Apparently, my Man is too butch to have any son of his dancing on stage.  We both laugh that one son has promise as a dancer and the other wants to be a "cake maker" when he grows up.  We'll see if they change their minds to more 'manly' professions as they grow up.  I don't think we mind either way as long as they are good at what they like to do.  If this weekends performance of the Nutcracker is any indication, Toby could have a future in the performing arts.    

Chaos in the Park

Today is a clean-up-an-over-flowing-toilet-and-spilled-cold-cereal-all-over-the-kitchen-floor-before-7:30 AM kind of day.  Let's hope the rest of the day picks up.  I'm escaping here for awhile in hopes of turning the day around.

I lamented to my Man before we went to bed last night that all school should be canceled the month of December in favor of celebration and service activities, and late nights having fun.  ;)  The whole family had a hard time waking up this morning after a fun and late evening at Christmas in the Park for Family Night last night. December flies by so fast as it is, and I don't get those slow days where we just BE together like I wish for.  Every year I imagine making beautiful gift packages for friends, cookie baking nights with the chillies, and homemade gift nights that just never happen.  I WILL figure out how to make some of those happen this year.  Even my Man expressed frustration with the fact that we don't have one day where there is nothing to do.  Not to be misunderstood, a lot of our busy schedule is filled with good traditional activities.   

 We missed Dan this year as he is serving with the Air Guard in Africa over the holidays. 

 Christmas in the Park was eventful this year.  This is the fourth year (I think?) that we have gone with my side of the family to visit the big man in red and enjoy the Christmas decorations and atmosphere.

I should have known we were in for craziness when our resident two year-old refused to take a nap.  I was so busy with work and house that I didn't slow down enough to realize I should just lay down and snuggle said two-year-old to assure she would sleep.  Actually, I know why I didn't;  I would have fallen asleep as well and wasted an hour or so of time that I really needed to use.  Sad isn't it?  Most days I think of a nap for myself as a waste of time.  I would escort Miss Busy-body back to bed and rush off, ignoring the sounds of play I heard every other time I walked by her room.  She fell asleep at 5:30 PM on the way to San Jose.  Then her dear mother accidentally squished her fingers in the door as we were leaving Aunt Lauren's house after dinner.  I was spent before we even got there and felt so bad about hurting Syd which made the night even worse.  Thankfully, Syd perked up to see Santa and was so excited to tell him about the "little scooter" she really wanted for Christmas.  She sat on his lap like a brave girl and wouldn't leave until she told Santa all about how her Mom smooshed "these two fingers" in the door.  Great.  She was an over-tired, melted pool of kid on the pavement the rest of the night.

While we were in line to see Santa we spied this guy across the street doing tricks on his bike.  We had to go over to get a closer look at the cyclist jumping up onto these concrete pillars.  My Man, being the crazy sort of guy that he is, wanted to ask him if he would jump over one of our kids.  I talked him out of that one and we proceeded on our walk around the park.  Hot chocolate was calling from the other side of the park, after all.

We saw many decorated trees that ran the gamut of quality from recycled water bottles and handprints to very professionally done.  The kids paired off with an aunt, uncle or Grammy and Grandpa as we walked around, and we all had fun spending the evening together with nowhere else to be.  Well, except for the fighting and tantrums sprinkled throughout the night it was enjoyable.  Our kids love each other so much that they love to tease too.  ;)

Christmas wouldn't be complete without lights plastered on everything which the kids also enjoyed.

The Little's sat on Santa's lap and talked to him about what they wanted this year.  The Bigs wanted to talk his ear off, and after their conversation and family pictures, Santa insisted Grandma have a picture taken too.  Isn't it adorable?

Santa asked the kids if they had been good this year, listened to their Mom and Dad and done all their chores.  I took the opportunity to chime in and ask Santa to watch very carefully to make sure they did their chores without complaining just to hit that point home.  :)  Sydney wasn't afraid at all of Santa this year.  Last year she tolerated his lap so she could get a candy cane when she was done.  This year she told Santa that she wanted a "red scooter," and listened to everything he said.  Jessie asked Santa for a robotics kit, and the jury is still out if she still believes in Santa or is playing along without saying anything.  Santa commented on Toby's crazy fish hat before Toby told him he "really, really, REALLY wanted a robe" for Christmas.  Logan was the most reserved as he quietly asked Santa for Bakugans.  He was a really kind and good-looking Santa who looked like he was having a great night talking to all the kids.    

The last stop of our evening was our traditional cup of hot chocolate fully loaded with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, a candy cane and cherry on top. Despite the road bumps through the night, we did have a good time.  Logan even quickly forgot that his big brother threw away his cup o'cocoa before he was done.  Gramma Evie offered the rest of her hot chocolate to Logan which he finished right before Daddy came to the rescue with a new cup of whipped cream-topped goodness.  By then the little Man was full and didn't want it.  Figures.

Guess who drank two cups of hot chocolate last night?  The slight sugar headache this morning is a nagging reminder.....

Again, it was all worth it.  We had a great time.  I'm thinking about, looking into, possibly wanting to plan, decorating a tree for Christmas in the Park next year.  Anyone game?